


I know, Sam.

by Itsreallyjustforresearch83



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Accepting Dean Winchester, Gen, John Winchester Being an Asshole, Trans Male Character, Trans Male Sam Winchester, Transgender, Young Sam Winchester
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-21
Updated: 2020-02-21
Packaged: 2021-02-28 05:34:36
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,026
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22828768
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Itsreallyjustforresearch83/pseuds/Itsreallyjustforresearch83
Summary: Sam didn't know what to do. He tried sharing what seems like the most important thing in his life right now only to be shut down by his only parent.His only savior is his brother, Dean. Sam should've talked to Dean first, he should've been the first one Sam told.It wasn't going to stop him from being who he was. He just wished that it would've gone a little differently.
Comments: 3
Kudos: 90





	I know, Sam.

"I'm sorry? What did you just say to me?" John was angry, he was beyond angry.  
"I'm...I'm a boy, dad. I've known for a really long time. I just wanted to tell you because-" John cut Sam off.  
"No, no. Absolutely not. No daughter of mine is going to be part of something like that. It's that damn phone, all of the social media and the influences on the damn thing." He came storming towards Sam and ripped the phone out of his hand. "You can have this back when you get that idea out of your head. Give you some time to think about how a good daughter should act." He left the motel room, slamming the door behind him.  
Sam sat on the edge of the bed, holding his head in his hands. His long hair falling in front of his face, hiding his tears for him. He get mad, grabbing his hair and putting it up, sick of it laying on his shoulders. He was crying, hot tears running down his face. Dean wasn't here, he wished that he would've been. He should've told Dean first, he knew that but he wanted his dad to know too. He thought that with this life of theirs that maybe something like this would be easier to accept. For Christ's sake, they hunted fucking shape shifters. Sam might only be fifteen but he's known since he was ten years old. Knew that the body that he was in was wrong. He got up, grabbing the pair of scissors out of the drawer of the bedside table. He walked into the bathroom, looking at the ponytail that his hair was in. He took it out, looking at the waves that spilled over his shoulders. He looked at the scissors in his hand, making his decision. He brought them up to his hair and started cutting. He knew that it would be choppy, new that it would probably look like a train wreck but he didn't care. He just wanted it gone.  
As he was making the final cut he heard the door open. He slammed the door shut, fearing that it was John coming back. He knew that if his dad was angry before he'd be furious now. He looked at all the hair sitting in the sink, frantically trying to get it in the trash can as fast as possible.  
"Sammy? Are you in there?" Dean's voice came from the other side of the door. His panic started to lessen, but he still didn't know how Dean was going to react. What if it was the same way as his dad.  
"Uh, yeah. Yeah, I'm in here. I'll be out in a minute." Sam finished scooping his hair out of the sink, filling the trash can with it. He took a deep breath, now or never he thought to himself. Now or never. he opened the door and stepped out with his head down. Dean had his back to him, giving Sam time to even his breathing out. "Dean?" His older brother turned around.  
"Jesus Sammy, what the hell did you do?" Dean came up to him, grabbing his shoulders, looking at his hair.  
"I needed...I needed to get rid of it. I hated it, I've always hated it." Sam mumbled to his brother.  
"Why did you hate it, Sam?" Dean didn't sound angry, he ran his hands through it.  
"Because it made me look like a girl. And I'm not a girl! Please don't be mad at me! Dad's already pissed at me and I don't know what I'm going to do if you hate me too!" Sam started to cry again.  
"Whoa, hey, calm down. There's nothing that you could ever do to make me hate you." Dean wiped the tears off of Sam's face. "What do you mean that you're not a girl?" Dean didn't sound mad, just confused.  
"I'm...I'm transgender. I have the wrong body. I'm not supposed to look like this. I'm supposed to look like you." Sam hiccuped, his breathing going out of whack again.  
"Here, why don't we sit down." Dean steered him to the bed that they shared. "Explain it to me." Dean looked at him with genuine concern in his eyes.  
"Um, I guess the best way to explain it is that I'm in the wrong body. I've known for a really long time, when my body started changing. I got really angry, super stupid angry. I looked at you and thought 'Why don't I look like Dean? Why do I have a chest, but his is flat? How come he gets to keep his hair short but mine has to be long.' And Samantha, god I hate that name. That's why I tell everyone to call me Sam. You only get an exception because you're, well, you." Sam let out a small laugh. Dean was quiet for a really long time, Sam preparing himself for the out lash.  
"Okay." Was all Dean said.  
"Wait, what?" Sam looked at his brother. "That's it? You're not mad at me? You don't think I'm disgusting? A sinner?" Sam was baffled.  
"No, Sam. I don't think any of that. If that's how you feel and you're sure that that's who you are, I'm going to support you. 100%, I'll always support you. I want you to be happy and if calling you my little brother instead of my sister will do that, I can do it. I can call you a guy and I will beat up anyone who suggests otherwise." Dean threw an arm around Sam's shoulders, Sam wrapping his around Dean's waist.  
"Thank you. Thank you so much." Sam had tears in his eyes again, this time they were happy tears.  
"But for the love of god, Sammy, let me fix your hair." Dean laughed and ruffled Sam's hair. It made Sam laugh too.  
"Can you please? I kind of just attacked it." Sam ran a hand through his hair, happy that it was short.  
"Yeah. Let's go to the bathroom, the razor is in there." They stood up and Dean told him to sit on the edge of the tub. He had his back to Dean, but he heard him turn the razor on. His chest filling with happiness. "You ready?" Dean asked and he nodded his head. "Alright little bro, let's get you fixed up." He felt when Dean made contact with his hair, it falling in chunks around him. He watched it as he fell off of his shoulders and into the bathtub. After a half an hour, Dean turned it off and ran his hand over Sam's hair. "There ya go, a mess no more." Sam stood up and brushed the lasting bit of hair on his shirt off. He stepped over the ledge and looked in the mirror. His hair was almost identical to Dean's a little longer on top, but he still loved it. He hugged Dean and he returned it.  
"I'm glad you like it, Sammy. Why don't you shower and get fixed up, we can go grab some food." Dean smiled and walked out of the bathroom. Sam turned the shower on after cleaning up his hair. He got under the stream of water, letting it rid his muscles of the tension that he had been holding onto. When he washed his hair, he felt a euphoria that he's never felt before. He used Dean's body wash to wash himself, groveling in the smell that he always associated with Dean. He turned the water off and stepped out, drying his hair and wrapping the towel around himself. He opened the door and steam billowed out into the main room. He walked over to where his duffel sat and started to pull out clothes. He didn't have many masculine options but he was trying to find something.  
"Here, this should fit you. It's too small for me." Dean tossed a shirt in his direction and Sam caught it. Holding it up he saw that it was Dean's favorite shirt.  
"Are you sure? This is your favorite shirt." He held it in one hand, ready to throw it back at his older brother.  
"Yeah, I'm sure. I'm going to shower, I'll be out in a little bit." Dean grabbed his clothes and walked into the bathroom, shutting the door behind him.  
Sam grabbed the boxers that he had bought a few towns back that he had hidden in his stuff and threw them on. He also grabbed the ace bandages that he kept with him. He knew that they were unsafe, but he didn't have any other options. He didn't have a big chest, but it was big enough that it made him hate himself sometimes. He wrapped his chest and threw on a loose pair of jeans. When Dean walked out of the bathroom Sam was standing next to the bed putting Dean's shirt on.  
"What the hell is around your chest?" Dean asked as he walked over and stopped Sam from pulling the shirt down. "Is that age bandage?" He looked at Sam as he pulled at it a little.  
"Yeah, I don't have many options, but this helps me feel better about myself." He pulled away from Dean and brought the shirt down, grabbing a flannel to put over it.  
"Are they safe? To use I mean." Dean look at him.  
"Not entirely, but I can't afford a binder." He shrugged and Dean looked at him waiting for an explanation. "A binder is something that compresses my chest, makes it flat. That is completely safe."  
"I'll start saving and we'll get you one." Dean said as he walked over to the small table in the corner of the room, grabbing the impala keys. At that moment, John walked through the door. Well, stumbled is probably a more accurate term for it.  
"What the fuck did you do to your hair? Why the hell is it short? Girls don't have short hair!" He started to come at Sam, who had frozen in fear.  
"Dad! Hey! Leave 'em alone!" Dean went at John grabbing his arm. John turned around and punched Dean in the jaw, knocking him back a few feet. He continued towards Sam, his hands raised. Sam put his hands up in an effort to defend himself but John's hands never made impact. A gunshot rang out through the room. John fell to his knees, holding his shoulder.  
Dean stood behind him, gun in hand. "Sammy grab your stuff. We're leaving." Dean's eyes didn't move off of John.  
"You dumbass! Why would you shoot me? What did she tell you?" John looked at Dean.  
"He told me his truth and I'll be damned if I let some drunken asshole ruin this for him. Even if you are our dad." Sam scrambled around the room, grabbing all of his things. When Dean knew that John wasn't going to try to move towards them again and try anything, he followed suit. Grabbing all of his things, pushing Sam out the door. They threw their bags in the backseat, baby starting with a roar.  
"Dean? Where are we going to go?" Sam was scared, between the two of them they didn't have a ton of money.  
"Bobby's place. He'll help us."  
"Are you sure?" Sam looked at his older brother who was wearing his famous determined look. Eyes not straying from the road.  
"I'm sure, Sammy. He'll let us stay there until I can get us on our feet. We'll be alright." Dean looked at same with a small smile.  
"Okay." Sam smiled back.  
"I promise, we will be okay and I'll help you as much as I can as you transition into who you are meant to be." Sam felt a joy he has never felt before.  
"Okay. I love you, you know that right?"  
"I know, Sam. I know" 

They drove in a comfortable silence, stopping every few towns for gas and snacks.  
Neither of them knew what the future held, but they both knew that if they had each other that they would be just fine.

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, listen. Ftm!Sam is something that I think about frequently. He deserves all the love and support in the world.


End file.
